Wednesday, 28 July 2010


I've finally had all my graduation celebrations all done and dusted now and I can proudly sit with my BA with Honours!

My parents really spoiled me on my graduation day from Uni.  We had cocktails in Skylon afterwards and then we had an unforgettable and beautiful meal in L'Atelier and OMG it was AMAZING and I am convinced I am still digesting some of it but the glutton in me is as happy as a pig in muck and I still get gastro post orgasmic chills remembering it all.

I am also so happy that I got the degree that I wanted as I feel some of the sleepless nights and tearing my hair out really paid off.  But also I am glad that I have learned what I have and it really has changed how I want to take photographs and how I think about it all. I also like that it has exposed me and opened me to many different ways of thinking and has given me a liking for things I didn't think I would.

It has helped me to grow and I feel a lot more focused and mature than I did when I first started.  But then I think that is something everyone does especially when in their early 20s.  I do have moments where I remember how I used to think and react to situations and I am glad that I feel I am making progress and developing in a positive way.

I'm never going to be an academic, I don't have that kind of discipline or thought process.  I like to be doing things and creating things, be it photographs or doing things in the kitchen or just doing things in general.  I need to keep myself busy and not just to keep my weight down

Now I have thoughts of what to do next like everyone else is doing I suppose.  I have some work on at the moment so that has been good but last weekend and the next few weekends I have little mini adventures lined up and I am so glad we planned these ages ago as its really nice that everything is all coming around now in a nice sequence.

Last weekend we went to Sheffield and we saw some lovely people and their very lovely cats. Walked about lots. talked and gossiped until the wee small hours and came back to London feeling slightly refreshed to have got out.

Tomorrow we are off to Italy which I am mega excited about.  The party I went to last year was one of the best parties I have ever attended in my life, and what was more lovely is that my sibling met someone and they are still together now and they will be celebrating their one year anniversary! I love it when things like that happen and we all saw it happen too and it was so lovely.  As a result my best friend found love and I gained a very dear friend and made friends with a lot of other special people too. My friends are very important to me, especially my close ones as I feel its crucial to feel support and love from people and at the same time know that there are people around me that are all different and people that care about me to the point that if I am fucking up they will say so.

I find it's really nice to reflect on instances like that happening in life.  I also found myself thinking about where I was at last year and this was the time I knew I wanted to make changes, I just didn't know how. Again with good friends and positive influences it helped me start things.

I still remember a particular conversation with M that really helped.  We were drunk but some of the things she said to me really stuck in my mind and it was a great kick up the arse that I think I needed at that time.

My Mum is also good at things like that as is my Dad. But they are cool like that but one thing that is nice is when I am around them I don't feel so much like a child, I feel they speak to me and treat me like I am a grown up.  They also seem to have coped quite seamlessly with my transitioning and all of my changes. That is also something that I do value but it really, really helps.  Especially if I have moments where I feel uncertain or scared about things.

On a nice note I haven't experienced many of those feelings of late which is really nice. I am quite accustomed to having rollercoaster type feelings but gradually I am feeling that things are starting to balance a little more and I don't feel so much that I am getting extreme highs and massive dips. I think this time of the year helps as there isn't too much to feel like shit about.

I know some of what is in front of me and things to do that are around me right now which in turn I feel helps as that gives me some element of structure.  I also know that I have a few targets I want to achieve and will achieve too.  Not in an unrealistic 'can-do' type of way but in a way that I know I want to achieve some of the things I have set out to do. 

I am determined to get to 70kg but again it is happening, perhaps not as fast as I like because I do love food and traveling to places that has wonderful food might hinder that a little but I will get there! I just have to remind myself that it is possible and I can do it and I have already some down a lot from being 90kg so I won't beat myself up on not quite being where I want to be quite yet. There is no point or I will lose focus.

I also want to have a few writing projects finished soon too as that is happening but having a scrambled brain can be frustrating sometimes as what I want to say sometimes doesn't translate as coherently as I would like. Again I know I just need to continue with it and not lose focus.

I have a few things that I want to achieve before I am 30 and so far everything is heading in the right space I just need to keep it going.

Everything is possible and now is the time to start pushing on. Especially as I am now free of University and the Real World is now upon me. So far so good.

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