Tomorrow I am going to embark on what I have referred to as 'Phase 3' of my transition. From where I decided to start changes socially, phase 2 was the legals and now phase 3 is the start of the physical changes.
I feel a mixture of excitement, curiosity and a little anxiety about having my first shot of Nebido tomorrow. I seems that since I decided I would try testosterone the time to have it has come around very quickly but this time I feel I am welcoming it.
I want something that will help me pass better and to feel that I have more of a masculine essence internally as well as externally. It will also be interesting to see if around the time of my period if I pass better. Every month when I am just about to come on and when I am bleeding I get identified as female far more than at any other time of the month.
I am convinced that chemically my female hormones are being picked up on more. I say this as a while ago (when just about to have a period) I was hot on by straight men at a party who told me really lame and cringe-worthy things like I have pretty eyes, I look very beautiful and could they take me out for a drink...I don't exactly look like the typical delicate, pretty eyed fodder that people go for. I'm not the big rough tough type either. I don't really fit into any category but one thing is for sure I am not a woman.
I just happened to be born with a chest that had breasts attached. Looking at it I feel like I have some genetic mutation stuck to me. Still one day there will be surgery to remove that. As for the other parts of me, I feel ok with that.
I need to lose weight soon which I am going to work on. I want muscles and to feel like an adonis...I am an Aquarian - we like to fantasise a lot ok?
In a few weeks time I have my Charing Cross appointment too so hopefully then we can start opening up the discussion as regards surgery and what happens next.
But before that I have been lucky to have had people share many words of wisdom as regards how is the best way to take the T. All the messages I have received I really cannot thank you all enough for taking the time out to write to me and give me some advice.
Tomorrow at 10am I shall get to see what it's like. I am expecting a buttock to feel like I have a golf ball inside of it and am hoping that I don't feel tender for too long. Especially as I shall be repeating the experience in another 6 weeks from now.
Purple bum here I come...