Thursday, 3 May 2012

More Movement

I have had one of the best weeks I have had in ages.

I started doing some new work, have been researching some other possibilities purporting to my work.  I have new targets and goals, the scales have been kind to me and shown that I have lost a bit of weight and I have booked a holiday with E in which we leave in 2.5.weeks!

Despite all of this excitement (and believe me there is plenty in the air right now) I received a letter on Tuesday from Brighton and Hove exclaiming that I have an appointment with Dr Yelland next Friday!

It seems that with every bit of my transition as soon as I stop thinking about when I will have an apointment or I seem to give up some type of hope that something will happen then something seems to happen.

I think it's a mixture of my own impatience and sod's law trying to tell me something.

Since knowing that I am going to see him I have had constant butterflies.  I don't want to eat much, I just feel that I am on cloud nine a lot of the time. I'm a bit nervous about it as well. But on that day I shall have E and my lovely friend L who shall be driving us to the hospital as it's in Haywards Heath.

I found some great tickets for the train which weren't too outrageous so my bank balance is thanking me for that one as so far this has been a slightly expensive month, but at the same time I have been careful with my cash so it is all ticks and balances in some respects.

I am starting to think about what I shall ask, how the appointment will go and it's more a case of wondering what is going to happen next. I need to be able to work out from that appointment if he will be doing the surgery, what will the heal time be like, what do I need to prepare for, who will help me post surgery, will I be scarred badly? Will I have a nice neat chest? What if I wake up? Seriously...every thought under the sun I have been having.  Yet at the same time, no matter how much it hurts I have never wanted anything so badly in all of my life.

I can be me.  I will not have breasts anymore or feel revolting every time I take my shirt off and binders.  Not having to wear binders and feel the off pull and strain or stomach aches or feeling constricted because of my clothing would be a God send.  It will also be nice to feel less body dysmorphia. It is something I have had for years and has affected me.  I want to be able to stand proud, to wear deep v neck t-shirts, to swim in some trunks, and to be able to walk around topless.

This is something that is becoming closer to a reality.

Will see what happens post appointment as I don't know how long or what then needs to happen with the PCT. I hope they don't take a long time in processing this as I want a clear surgery date so i can start making mental and physical preparations for this.

Aside having 4 wisdom teeth out last year I have never had an operation before. I am a bit apprehensive about this as I have never been in a big hospital before but at the same time I want this and I will make sure I have everything I need around me to make it comfortable.

In the meantime I have plenty of work to do, a trip to Vietnam to plan and research into what gels and patches are good for post op scars, any diets I should be on and will also concentrate on my fitness and current diet to lose a bit more weight before holiday.

Maintenance is an on going process, that's for sure.

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