Thursday, 26 April 2012


I am starting to feel like my feet are leaving the ground.  This is good though at the same time, especially when it involves making progress and changes throughout life.

I am also am starting to move some of my affairs into order. I need to do this because I am realizing that I don't have some of the arrogant luxuries afforded to someone in their early 20s.  I am now in my late 20s, and yes I am still young, I can do many things I know I need to also focus on what is important.

I need to keep my mind and brain working and ticking over.  There are things I want to achieve and I know in order for that to happen that there needs to be a lot of hard work. This is something I am not intending on shying away from either as nothing does come for free. 

I need to save as much money as I can right now and by doing this it gives me more freedom and choices for changing my life.

That may sound a bit cheesy but it's true.

I also enjoy working hard and especially when it's the type of work that means it helps someone in some way. I am not quite at the mindset whereby I think everything is programmed to serve in my interests alone.

The world doesn't work like that.  I am not entirely selfless either. I'm just realistic about what I can and want to do.

I decided yesterday to write some new targets for myself, especially now I have just had my 5th T shot.

One of my housemates assisted me and this shot was one of the least ouchy.  Not just because she is a trained nurse and seems to have fantastic needle skills but I did exercise for over 90 mins which makes a lot of difference.  I say this because 4mls of castor oil going in the top of your glute can hurt.

It literally is like a solid ball getting lodged there.

Yet at the same time it's a discomfort I have only a few times a year because of the cycle and course I am on.

I feel with each shot it seems to mark a season.

I feel a sense of happiness and wonder every time i have an injection on the basis of finding out what this next cycle shall have in store for me. It's like a secret treasure trove of things that my body shall bring me.  So far everything feels bright but I know in two weeks time I get a few days where I feel a bit sad and unmotivated.

Still the more I familiarise myself with what is going on around me, the easier it is to handle it and embrace it.

I am waiting to hear back from my GP about the letter that she has apparently sent so will see what happens next week if I haven't heard anything by then.

In the mean time I am focusing on ways in which to monetise my surgery, should I need to go private and trying to learn as much as I can on the way about the processes, how it all works and what I should and need to do with myself.

I started a mini diet recently which so far is going well and some weightloss has started (finally!) but it seems a low carb and calorie diet mixed with regular exercise is what my body needs to lose the weight.  That as well as drinking more water.

The more water equals less food intake.  It's also good not to get ill from feeling dehydrated at the same time.

I'm starting to feel healthier and happier and since having a phase of anti-biotics and other unpleasentries it is nice to be feeling more energised and that my body is working well again.

This is leaving space for my head, heart and everything else to start firing on full power. My next T-Shot will mark 1 year on it so that in itself feels like a nice landmark to have reached. I am pleased that so far I have had a steady and consistent change in my body, my voice is dropping steadily and my shoulders are getting broader gradually.

I don't respond well to sudden change when it comes to my body as it triggers my own dysmorphic issues. I hate not knowing when my eyes can't match what I see in my head. Gone are the days where I used to cover up mirrors because I hated my reflection so much but I don't forget that and make sure I work with myself not to go back to that feeling.

The more I have transitioned and learned to respect and find a a bit more of a comfortable footing has helped massively.  My main priorities are to uphold and maintain the work I have done and to not slip and just add more positivity wherever possible.

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