Monday, 23 April 2012

Wishin' and Hopin'

I like Dusty Springfield when I feel stressed or a bit sad.  There is something about her lyrics which often resonates somewhere as well as making me feel oh so gloriously camp whilst listening to her music at the same time.

Life operates in circles and right now some other feelings I am having are coming back in a new wave of feelings and emotions.  Things are changing around me rapidly, my thoughts are transferring to facts that perhaps not everything is forever.  Things aren't what they were. My head and to some degree heart feel gently punctured and in some parts I am definitely bleeding.

For a number of reasons right now is proving to be a lot more stressful than I thought.

I am finding the process of having to have faith in a lot of things and be hanging, waiting on letters, waiting for things to change or having to rely on people and organizations which in turn means I have to put trust where I feel a bit cautious to do so.

It's not that I wake up feeling like a misery guts and I decide I don't want to trust or I don't want to think positively but at the same time I feel that certain areas of patience have been tested and the hanging on a wire feeling sometimes makes me want to take a pair of scissors and sever the cords.

I keep having desires to run away and try and rid myself from feeling tied down and trapped in situations. All of which rationally points to having some sort of anxieties building up.

Yet for the most part I can acknowledge what is going on, breathe, and continue.

I don't freeze but at the same time there are a few areas in my life right now where if I am honest I know I don't feel 100% happy right now. There is a lot of energy required to make a lot of situations and things happening around me good and energy is something I feel I am lacking in some areas.

It's a lot easier to click into auto pilot and drift along.  Yet the emotional sides of me sometimes chine in and remind me that I am not a robot, and within not being a robot it means that certain areas require my attention.

I'm never going to be someone who can pretend something isn't happening when it is but its finding the right balance of not feeling so melancholic, miserable and whingy to being able to process and acknowledge that not everything is ideal right now.

Life will always have a challenge or two and there is no such thing as a perfect life.  But at the same time it is good to also remember what is good about life. Also what is wanted out of life.

If something isn't feeling so great then now is the time that energy needs finding and focus needs to be added into how to make things good again or how to feel happier at least.

Another thing that is for sure and I definitely need a few days out of London soon whereby I sit and write and do all the things that I want to do that help me empty my head as well as soak in another environment and the energies that are there.

London is a tiring city sometimes and I think that is also another factor that is dragging on me.  Although I travel often, I do so for a very good reason! I like little breaks or at least exploring different surroundings.

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