Monday, 2 April 2012

LLGFF

I feel suitably Southbanked out, but nicely so. I saw many films, met many people and had a LGBTQI old time.

I saw some really thought provoking documentaries as well as a some interesting cinema.  I saw a few shorts that left me feeling a bit undecided as to what direction was being taken within the narrative but then I appreciate that sometimes there are random endings or a feeling that something is slightly incomplete.

Making a film is tough.  Making a film that will please everyone is even harder. Nothing will tick every single box and amongst the politics that we are confronted with right now withing each faction of our community then there are going to be a few complaints and frowns and people not feeling that there are many resources that speak to them or represent them.

Yet at the same time very few people seem dedicated or have the energy in which to want to create something, thus the cycle continues.

I take my hat off to all of those who did contribute and put something into the film festival this year as this effort and contribution helped make it diverse in certain aspects.

I would love to put something in one day, but that requires the right timing, effort and energy which is something that I don't have in abundance right now. But someday I shall.  I need to have time for work right now, get my health back up to scratch as having a double dose of antibiotics recently has really battered my immune system, and having a bit of hayfever and a cold right now isn't really helping.

But then I think I am going through a bit of a broken phase right now whereby everything seems a bit out of sorts and some of this is definitely down to the fact that I am back in puberty. I have stopped thinking everything is unfair, my acne seems to have calmed down and my voice is dropping more and more.

I feel closer to the person I have always felt I am. I am a bit firmer in opinion and with my personal boundaries.  I respect other people, how they tick but I also expect the same back in return. I am finding that as my confidence grows I am having more positive interactions with people and have been enjoying meeting new people, and catching up with old people.

Life feels quite calm right now and am edging myself on a bit more to now focus on new goals and things of importance.

I have let meself go a bit in terms of training but will be picking up a new exercise regime that includes a return to playing more squash and doing some other form of exercise.  I am going to buy a bike soon and ride it regularly so that acts as an additional form of fitness and would be good to confront the fact that I have been a bit scared about riding a bike in London.

I hate feeling scared of things and I hate hiding from stuff so this summer things will be different.

I desire to just have some quiet and chilled time and this is going to work out well over the Easter weekend.  This time last year I was going to Berlin and although I shall miss it this year I won't miss the exhaustion or tensions that it may also bring. 

I shall be going in September though so it's not going to be too much longer until that time comes around.

June is also starting to play on my mind as that is my next Charing Cross appointment which shall hopefully have the referral moving along by then. There is so much waiting to be had with this process which is why now I think for the sake of everything around me, I make my schedule varied and busier in some respects so that all of this waiting doesn't do my head in to the extent it has been.

Still, there are lots of things to smile about right now and I am feeling more and more positive on the whole about many different things right now.

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