Monday, 27 September 2010

Births, Marriages...

It seems at the moment I am seeing more and more people around me either getting pregnant, having a baby or they are getting married and in the place of babies they are getting litters of kittens instead. It's interesting once you find yourself in the age where quite a few of your peers are doing all of these grown up things.

Also stuff like buying a house, planning what to do with the rooms, finding a's all part of that thing called 'Growing Up'. It also marks the start of the old biological clock ticking too...

Mine has perked up a little, although the thought of having a baby of my own makes me feel a mixture of excitement as well as pure, unadulterated fear.  Firstly I won't be getting pregnant and also it won't be until I am more settled in my career and know that I can provide well for it.  To be honest I think I am more fussed about marriage than I am a child.

The more weddings I attend the more I feel my own little internal clock ticking.  I will never be a conventional husband by any stretch of the imagination but since being a tiddler myself I have always wanted to get married. Perhaps growing up in a house where I knew I would never have that placed on me as an expectation has in turn made me want to do it one day. But for the right reasons.  I would have wanted to have been with the person a while and I would be doing it for love rather than seeing it as an administration purpose.

Underneath my exterior I am a bit of a romantic at heart, but that doesn't mean I would give someone a bunch of carnations or anything like that! I do find myself swept away by certain romantic virtues, yet at the same time I seem to have a healthy measure of cynicism to keep everything from turning into a Hallmark sponsored puke fest.

I attended a wedding at the weekend that was truly wonderful.  The couple were some old school friends of mine and it was nice to see everyone else too that I haven't seen in what felt like centuries! Also most people there were aware of some of the changes as to who I was and I didn't encounter any problems or too many awkward questions so that was nice.  Not that I would have been that bothered either as how I see it is that with a wedding it's about the couple and not really anyone else. Therefore politics and anything else should where possible be left alone wherever possible.

I found this great piece about marriage written by Rilke:

"The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky."

I really like this way of looking at marriage. 

Still I know I have more growing up to do before I think about such things, although in a few months I am to be 27, which to me means I have to ramp things up in terms of moving a few things along so that I am in the place I want to be by the time I am 30. As I learned last week, a lot can happen in a year as well as how fast a year can go. 3 years sounds like a long time but the things I want to do in that time shall mean it's all going to whizz by rather quickly.

1 comment:

  1. I loved this entry, Leng.

    xx thinking of you in DC.