Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Fade To Grey

There are a few things that I have found sometimes have an impact on my moods.  One thing is the weather. I can't stand grey skies and a feeling of darkness that comes with it.  To look outside and feel that the atmosphere is slightly depressing doesn't do wonders for the mood.  Yet at the same time I try not to let it affect me but a lack of sunshine does make me feel slightly more lethargic and I crave hibernation. Well in the short term.  In actual reality I will see people and will feel myself craving good conversation, and pleasant company with a mug of steaming hot tea.

I think it's a sign of feeling a little older when excitement comes from discovering a new tea.  This week I have fallen in love with Roobios tea. I could drink that by the gallon and unlike coffee and other things containing dairy or even non dairy it feels a lot lighter on the stomach, which brings me to my next thought at the moment...how to stay slim in winter!

I feel I have to be extra strict with myself at the moment as I feel as if I am battling slightly with an inner jabba that wants to eat the world. Still eating healthily isn't proving to be too difficult.  I am still going to the gym and at the weekends I will be playing squash with someone who I refer to as the 'Kazanator'. She kicked my arse last time we played but for me it isn't always about the winning but just the running around and sweating to the point that I stink. I feel less worried about what and how I eat when that happens. 

Also Christmas is coming, I am a massive foodie and I like to cook lots. I just want to make sure I don't get into old eating patterns or old body shapes as I know that the leaner I am the easier it is for me to pass. I also keep thinking I am huge when factually I am not as half of my clothes now hang off me like tents or things like my belt needs more holes so these are positive reminders that my body has indeed changed.

I know deep down it's all a case of having the right attitude and from that growing from that. It's too easy to give in to lots of negative feelings, especially if you are wired into a depressive way of thinking. I sometimes feel like I split myself in two and there is one half of me mentoring the other. I also have to tell myself off and keep a sense of reality rather than what my impression is about something.

If I am in a crappy mood then naturally I will think that other things are crappy too. Remembering The Bigger Picture thinking about nice things and nice people always helps. Still the occasional half hour of being a grouch is sometimes needed and sometimes slightly unavoidable.  I just try not to let certain thoughts carry me off as I know they will go.

I try not to think in terms of letting something bad last. Just like something amazing never lasts infinitely, but the memories and intention to keep that sort of positivity can be something in which we strive for if we want it.

Of late I have discovered that many things are attainable - it just depends on how much someone wants something and how hard they are willing to work to attain it. The saying 'Rome wasn't built in a day' is somewhat true in some respects but at the same time it doesn't mean it has to take an eternity either.

Today is still grey but I have a few things to look forward to, the rain will stop and with that I will stop feeling imprisoned. It's odd that sometimes despite social networking technology, the amount of emails and texts I send a day or even the odd phonecall that I get moments of feeling massively disconnected from the world.

All of which shall be remedied in a few hours. Otherwise I will play 'Kum By Yah' on a continuous loop until my sense of humor returns.

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