I've been having a week where I feel quite rotten to be honest. I've been shaking off a cold and in general I feel I have a lot to do and not enough time. My mind is constantly thinking about so many things, on so many levels and at my head hasn't quite found the switch off button.
I also have come to accept that cold weather, feeling that I am a bloated whale, feeling like shit and feeling rather ugly on admission of having a manky spot on my chin all in all is a nice recipe guaranteed to turn me into a grumpy old man.
I remind myself not to be grumpy and to try and smile but sometimes I can't do that. I also feel a bit isolated at the moment too. I'm stuck between a few thoughts, one or two private things too and I don't know what to do about it that doesn't involve being grouchy or taking it out on people around me.
I think the first step of anything negative like that ideally is to be honest about it. I have done that but it doesn't mean I like it or am comfortable with it. I am also feeling a bit stressed too which is normal - it is this time of the year, there is a slight feeling of gloom in the air for the most part.
But there is a silver lining, like everything. I know this feeling won't last, it is situational. I just feel incredibly frustrated with it, and I know in acknowledging it it lets it all out. Also having alternating feelings of wanting to be held tight to wanting to hide. It's annoying. I refuse to give into these negative thoughts though as I know it's just a small phase on admission that right now I haven't been physically well and I feel a bit stressed.
Everyone feels that at some point in their life, it's not exactly uncommon is it? I think a large chunk of my own stress is feeling that I need to prove myself half the time. I hate having that pressure from within sometimes as I am not perfect by any means I keep finding faults with myself and then that seems to translate elsewhere.
I then start to think, why does the mind do that? Why do we as people sometimes become irrational and sulky with life? I then become irritated by having irritation and then I find myself wanting to reach for herbal tea and an IV drip.
Still I will lose my whinging soon I know it as these thoughts and feelings are slowly starting to drive me nuts. I may not be a hard arse but it doesn't mean I will be a wimp either.