Monday, 1 November 2010

30

This is my 30th posting and this feels like somewhat of a mini milestone for me...well where blogging is concerned.  I have previously had a habit of starting blogs but not sticking to them.  Something about commitment issues I feel.  I have found that after a while there comes a point where I run out of things to say or want to say.

I am opinionated, I can rant and rave until the cows come home but then there is also the moment of feeling things such as do people really give a toss what I think? Do I even care what I think? Am I making sense?

Well, the jury is out a little on that one but whilst they are having a quick fag outside I would like to remember a few things since transitioning.

These things being funny things that I have experienced since I have started my journey.

So far in my year of being Leng I have discovered a few things.

-If I buy tampons shop assistants like to offer to help me.
-At parties with straight women I have been told as to what the joys of sex with older women are, how enlightening the experience can be and as a "young man" I should understand "The Vagina is a Complicated Thing"...try being a man with a c*nt sista and we'll trade notes.
-No matter how masculine I look the man in the frame shop will always see me as a 'lovely young lady'.
-If in certain places with E they think I am a lesbian or a gay man that thinks I'm a lesbian.

I still use my legal name for admin although now I have a magazine subscription and a rail card in the name of Mr Leng Montgomery

I never thought having a railcard would make me feel so complete but I realised it's not the 1/3 off that excites me (well maybe my bank balance a little more) but it's something I see as having my proper name on.

Being a Monty makes a man want things in order and to feel proper and not an imposter.  This feeling is starting to creep in more and more and I just see it as a sign that we have to move onto phase 2.  Phase 2 will enable me to legally become who I really am.

I'm ready.  There is no more time for 'she' and no more time for being Cleo. Just writing that name makes me feel that I am writing about a stranger. I don't feel sad about it but it's like one of those relationships where you feel that it's time to move on.  A bit like having a photo of an ex on the wall and stuff like that, it's time to start afresh, enjoy the memories but at the same time remember that there is a new life ahead of me and I don't want to feel that I am aligned to the past.

In the meantime now is the time forge ahead.  Things have to change work-wise, we have a lot to do and we have to get it up (in all senses) and I have many things swirling in my head in an endless mirage. Again what's new there?

Life is an ongoing adventure and mystery but I am curious as to what fate has in store for me next.  I sense something is going to radically shift, I don't know what and be it for good or bad but I am prepared and have a spare pair of clean pants just in case.

1 comment:

  1. it always amazes me how identity and gender is seen 'in association' and 'in comparison' to who is next to you. When with monty in a predominantly straight venue people 'render' us as a straight couple. In gay friendly spaces we are two lesbians. In queer spaces we are E & L and people don't really feel the need to put a label on.

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