Pass...at Uni anyhow.

Today has marked what I think will be the last time I will set foot in LCC as a student.  It felt rather nice.  I took down my work from the nine10 exhibition and got my degree results.  I got a 2:1 overall so was quite pleased with myself on that one.

My major project did receive a first but my other grades pulled down to a 2:1 overall.  Still I'm not going to complain.  My parents were very pleased and even phoned me from Australia to congratulate me on that.  My Dad said he was very proud of me at least 10 times, so after that I gathered that he was indeed proud of me. Mum sounded pleased too and also said she was missing me lots which I thought was sweet.

Over the weekend I found I was missing her too as currently they are away in Oz for the next 3 weeks. I still do feel a bit sad that they missed my show, but this trip was planned over a year ago, just would have really liked it if they had of been able to be there.  But in a good way the next thing they will see if I am in an exhibition again will be under my name of Leng Montgomery. Will also be for work that I made that isn't for Uni. So I suppose there is a silver lining to be found in anything.

Still in a couple of weeks they will be back which will be nice as I didn't realise how much I like communicating with my Mum in the week and have got used to that. We also work together too in a company that they have set up. So for work related things its always nice to bounce ideas off her and find some direction in regard to stuff.

It's interesting - in a work setting I don't see them as my parents at all but I am glad that I don't as I feel things would feel far too embedded otherwise.  But it is nice to switch between having them in dual roles.

Had a really nice weekend, went to the Tate Modern with E and just chilled for a lot of it which was really nice, watched some DVDs too which were both thought provoking and in the case of one of them very entertaining. Still that is my idea of a great weekend just spending time with someone you love and doing things that are good for the senses. Can't really ask for more really.

Oh and on Friday night I was taking pictures at Bird Club and saw some amazing performances that were rather eye opening in places but lovely and I had a really great time.  I don't quite know ow I ended up wrestling on stage with a very tall chap and with a massive horn either but I do attract randomness.  Such as when I was leaving a lady said I had a nice face and someone added to E that she had a nice arse. It's always nice to know that combined we can give good face and arse.  Again the random magnet was in full flow!

Today has mostly been spent sorting out bitty things and planning of other stuff.  Oh and uploading photographs.  I'm still whirring from the last week of passing my degree, doing the exhibition and now concentrating on what my future work is entailing and what it can entail and finding ways to make it happen.

I do feel a sense of disjointed feelings over some stuff but again I think that is normal. It is an added feeling of this is the first day of the rest of your life.  So far its working well.  The sun is shining and I'm sat here writing. Something of which I am starting to feel a little happier about once again.  I need to remind myself that as long as it isn't an essay or academic then my creative juices seem to work and there is pleasure to be found in words.

I did used to write a lot of poetry and many short stories, but on re-reading some recently I realised how rubbish they were and how sad I was when I wrote them so I got of them as I didn't like the feeling that they acted as a journal of misery.

I do have depression but I try not to be miserable. All I know is that I have to work hard sometimes to not allow negativity to overshadow me in some respects.  As I feel as if my wiring is all wring sometimes and that my settings (assuming myself to be a piece of machinery) are naturally set to be against me so I work hard to do things that prove otherwise.

I have wonderful people around me and I don't want to let anyone down or be the person that ends up wearing everyone out and pissing them off because I didn't make the effort to work with myself.  I also don't like to feel that I am depending on people as that is heavy and I never want people feeling that they are 'responsible' for me.  I dunno, maybe it's my pride talking but I feel horribly guilty if I feel that my mood or my actions has an effect on anyone else.

I also think I am 26 I need to be able to be either equipped or work towards being as self sufficient as possible.  Fortunately living alone has helped in that as I don' depend or rely on people in a domestic sense. I also like to feel that I keep a sense of order in a place on a small scale.

There are many things right now that I am working on and continuing to work on but such is life. I see the potential and I want that but like everything we all need to put the work into it.

I'm very fascinated to see how the next year unfolds.  For the first time in 5 years there really is no more Uni - that chapter has now ended and now it's all about life and the real world.